No matter how much we might deny it – we all have a desire to be loved. Often, it’s romantic love that we crave. We may be feeling lonely and it’s normal to want companionship. Though romance isn’t everyone’s desire – you may want more closeness with your family or a platonic friendship or it may be a combination of all of these. Learning to love yourself is essential if you are to experience true love or a healthy relationship with another and reap the benefits that result from it.
As a result of feeling abandoned when my father left when I was seven and the fact that my mother was unable to provide emotional support because she was so focused on survival while bringing up three children on her own, I spent many years searching for love in romantic relationships only to find that they couldn’t fill the void in my heart.
Rejection and hurt can leave us feeling unfulfilled and disillusioned with how we expect relationships to play out. When they don’t go as we want them to we often blame ourselves and wonder where we went wrong… or if we’re unlovable.
This is where developing self-love comes in – and that comes with some incredible benefits, here are six.
1. You’ll Be Empowered
Instead of making bad choices because you’re being led by shame, guilt or fear – you will be empowered to make choices that truly make sense for who you are – meaning you will be living your authentic life. You will no longer be caught up with people-pleasing, instead, you will live a life that brings you satisfaction. Self-love means trying to honor yourself because you know your needs are just as important as others.
2. You Set Boundaries & Stick To Them
Once you have the hang of honoring your needs you start to feel more confident, which means you are more assertive. Of course, this results in a more purposeful attitude, especially when it comes to dating. You start to see who is wasting your time and you’re strong enough to move forward without them. More to the point, you are strong enough to set clear boundaries with people and stick to them.
3. The Approval Seeking Will Stop
When you truly love yourself, you stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you – which means you’re a less defensive person and more confident about living a life that is authentic for you. Why would you need acceptance from everyone else when you truly accept yourself?
4. You’ll Be A Conscious Decision Maker
Loving yourself gives you the courage to cut things from your life that don’t truly bring you joy or provide you with ample space to grow. It’s easy to make courageous decisions when you value yourself and actively make choices that are intended to honor you, rather than risk harming you.
5. You Will Enjoy Alone Time
A lot of people get caught up in keeping busy schedules simply because they’re terrified of feeling or being alone. They surround themselves with people, throw themselves into work, and do anything to help them avoid that loneliness. When you’ve developed self-love you enjoy your own company and you enjoy time your alone time. Being alone is very different from loneliness. Spending time in your own company can be very satisfying when you’ve developed self-love.
You don’t need to find happiness in relationships, whether they’re romantic or not. The only love that you truly need to be happy is the love of yourself. When you start taking responsibility for it and stop giving your power away to everyone else, you will naturally feel happier. If you’re not in a romantic relationship you will find that you aren’t as desperate to be in one as you once were because you know you don’t need them. When the right person shows up, you will be ready for that love.
So how do you develop the self-love that will deliver these, amongst other, benefits?
Self-love can only be realized after a process of self-discovery so you can release the limiting beliefs and core issues that have kept you trapped in self-criticism, and develop an appreciation of your unique gifts and purpose enabling you to accept and love who you REALLY are. Because I have worked through my own issues with self-worth and overcoming my belief that I was “not good enough” I can empathize with others who are facing the same issues and I have an intuitive ability to see the beliefs and core issues that are holding you back from leading a fulfilled, happy and successful life.
If you are struggling with a lack of self-love and would like to experience a sample of what I do to help you transform into the person you came here to be, please accept my offer of a free Success Strategy Session in which we’ll explore the source of your lack of self-love and identify a strategy for resolving it so you can experience these amazing benefits.